Sometimes when I think about all I went through my head spins. An alcoholic husband, Domestic Violence, PTSD, a loved one’s suicide attempt, financial abuse, a blood clot, a four year court battle trying to get a divorce, in a court system that allowed my ex to stall and file useless motion after motion, while he got away without a cent of support and tried to make my life miserable. It exhausts me to think of it all.
I made it out and through to the other side through the grace of God. I did my best to take the high road, sometimes failing miserably. All I can tell you is I did my best, the best I knew how, and I am an imperfect human being.
Someone once told me: “Don’t think that a divorce will stop your ex from trying to disrupt your life. He is a snake and he will try to spew his poison as best as he can.” The venom continues to spew, the snake slithers in the background, his hidden agenda and manipulation trying to poison the minds of his grown adult children.
I’d like to say I came out wiser which I did. I came out stronger. I learned that I have a resilience after I survived imaginable years fighting for survival and just trying to keep a roof over the heads of myself and my children. I’d say I came out with a knowing of what is important in life and learned how to let go of things that no longer served me. It’s hard to find someone who understands these sort of lessons, but let me tell you what a Godsend it is when you do find someone that relates. Ahhhh, yes, she gets it, he gets it...they know...they understand how painful and challenging experiences shake you to your core. I am not alone in this…someone gets it...
I would like to say that I left my lessons unscathed, but that would be a lie. I don’t trust. I don’t date. I focus on myself because the only one who can disappoint me is me, and that I can deal with. I don’t want to be used, lied to, be unappreciated, tossed aside, or be someone’s second choice. I don’t want to compete with the bottle, the football game, golf, the boys or someone’s Iphone. No thank you. To be honest, I don’t even want someone denting my couch or hogging my bed.
A lot of men and women move on after a divorce. There are those of us that move on in a different way. We don’t choose the path of another relationship. We choose the road of self discovery, even when the road can be lonely at times. We promise ourselves to never settle again... not in a relationship, or in any circumstance that makes our heart feel unsettled. We are keepers and menders of our precious hearts which we don’t dole out carelessly to those who may not watch carefully over it.
Mine has become a road of collective experiences which have made me wise. Tiny wisdoms bottled up and sealed shut which I keep to myself. Lessons which others can only learn for themselves when and only if they need to. These collective wisdoms come with the complication of feeling misunderstood...except for those moments when I connect with one of those other souls who gets it because they have bore similar pains and walked through to the other side.
Whatever your path is, know that it's okay to be where you at on your journey at the given moment. Know that there are others out there who get it, who have been there and they understand. Even if your path is not the path one of conventionalism, it's your journey and not anyone else's to take.
Wishing you all light and love - Deb xoxo